Renewal

Today someone stopped believing and is looking for a renewal of sorts, for redemption, and so ticks the clock.
Today I realised I've gone through a slow and painful renewal process and started believing all over again.
Someone dies, someone is born.

This is our land

If the brother makes it through interviews, he will be staying on in London over summer for his internship at a foreign think tank. All of us were looking forward to his return, but we support his decision nonetheless. It has been a very uphill battle for him, trying to secure a good internship in Singapore. Most of the local ministries reserve a large portion of their internship positions for scholars who are required to do complusory internships during their vacations. And even with his illustrious CV, he has had so many disappointments with his applications, with none even granting him an interview. Speaking to him last week just broke my heart, because he works very hard and I know that anyone who takes him in will stand to benefit from his astute analytical mind and dilligence. Having said that, is it really imperative to have scholars as a majority to paper push over summer? What happened to unadulterated meritocracy and a level playing field? Bah.

I remember Pam saying that livejournal gives you more control over the privacy of your blog. It's great because you can make certain posts public and opt not to for private ones. But then again, I may not want everyone on my friends list to read certain posts either. Hmm. So what happens? I've gotten so used to typing out thoughts that I think going back to traditional journal writing by hand might take a long while to get used to. What's more, I love the flexibility and ease of uploading pictures to go along with an online entry. I suppose unless one buys a domain only then can one password protect certain entries? Well for now, I may move a 3rd and maybe final time, I'm not sure, because, ya know, sometimes it's nice to post nude pictures just for your friends :)

night

Addict

Grow

Today I watched my cousin exchange her wedding vows and legally marry the wonderful man she has been seeing for over 5 years. This is the same girl that I grew up and shared a huge portion of my childhood with, had over for pyjama parties, and confided in for many of my adolecent years. I will always remember how we dissapointed in our PSLE performance and how we sat miserable and mortified on the steps of my old house as we listened to our parents discussing our fate. We've watched each other grow.

My father also gave me his Omega today, I never thought the day that my brother and I start inheriting our parents' possessions would arrive so soon. They have watched us grow. The day will come when I too will give this to my child.

And the circle of life continues.

Love and Dedication

"Your mother has taken care of me for 30 years, now it's my turn, she is my only priority."

My brother and I are very blessed, we have excellent role models.

Choices

The choices you make affect you and the people around you

From the everyday things like: choosing what the wear for work, choosing what you would like for lunch, choosing if you should meet up friends for dinner for the evening or do something else, choosing if you should paint your nails red or black, choosing between buying 2 outfits, books, bags.
To personal things like: I choose to be happy today, I choose to take my new job in my stride and face the challenges, I choose not to wallow, I choose to make good of the situation at hand, I choose to be a moral upright person, I choose not to be judgemental, I choose not to be lazy, I choose to keep on top of things.
To relational issues like: I choose to accept my friend for the way he/she is, I choose to love my family even though they have hurt me, I choose not to sleep with another person out of respect and love for my partner, I choose to communicate, I choose to forgive and let go.

What have your choices been so far?

Quest for Breakfast Muffins

Vivocity has been our favourite place for sometime now, I think it's because Pacific Coffee has this quaint outdoor sitting area which faces sentosa. The water and reflection of the sunlight which comes through at about 5pm is breathtaking, their coffee isn't half bad too. Everytime we are there, I feel like I am back in Sydney's Darling Harbour drinking Gloria Jeans' Coffee on a Sunday.

Another favourite outlet of mine at Vivocity, apart from CANDY EMPIRE (Authentic Tim Tams and Red Rocket Deli Chips!), is the Organic Supermarket next to Marks and Spencer. Dezzo is in love with their organic dried fruit and nut mix, available from their nut counter. I managed to find wholemeal flour at the organic supermarket, an ingredient I had been searching for for quite a while
Waitrose has been tucked away in the dark recesses of my mother's kitchen for over a month now, and since I had some time today, and 3 very ripe bananas on hand, it was a perfect time to try Nigella's Banana Muffins.

Nigella's Banana Muffins
I put in 2.5 bananas instead of 2, and substituted white flour with the wholemeal flour, which resulted in very heavy and moist muffins. If you are not a fan of wholemeal bread or grains, I do not recommend you use wholemeal flour as the taste is quite strong. I also halved the raising agents (Chemicals!). The great thing about this recipe is that the sugar added is minimal and there are no eggs involved!

Makes 6 Big Muffins
30g Unsalted Butter
60g Clear Honey
1/2 tsp Vanilla Extract
2 Large, Very Ripe Bananas
150 Plain Flour
1 Heaped tsp Baking Power
1/2 tsp bicarb
1/2 tsp Cinnamon
Pinch of Salt

Use the wet into dry method:
1. Melt butter, honey and vanilla over low heat. Leave to cool for a few mins
2. Mash Bananas in a bowl
3. Measure out flour, raising agents, cinnamon and salt
4. Mix melted butter with banana
5. Mix into dry ingredients. DO NOT OVER MIX! A lumpy mixture is a good sign.
6. Bake at 190 deg for 25mins

All Heart

All I can say is, after today's disaster, I am not as quick, and sharp, and as intelligent as the rest who sat for the exam. But screw it. I cannot/will not wallow. I will just learn from this, take note of where I failed, and pick up the pieces. It ain't over till a worthy battle has been fought.

In any case, it really made my day, when I found a kindered spirit in the form of an ex-VJC triple science + maths, double S paper, local U medical school worthy but rejected at interview, turned down twice on appeal and ended up at (in her own words) local U med school reject dumping ground, Pharmacy. It all stared when a small voice piped:

"Excuse me, do you have an extra calculator?"
"No I'm sorry, I don't. But don't worry, the 3 hour paper is after lunch, so perhaps one of the staff can help you get hold of a calculator. I mean there are offices below"
"Oh yes. Thanks! You know, I'm usually the kind that brings 2 calculators to an exam. I don't know what happened."

We spent lunch sharing stories and views, and I got so tickled when we shared an absolute NERD moment.

M: "20 minutes to go." Looks at coffee. "Oh no! I shouldn't have drank that!"
J: Grins. "Diuretic! That's why I had my tea the minute I started lunch. That should be about right I think"
M: "Now I'm going to have to go to the loo in the middle of the paper!"
J: "Travesty!"

We chatted about the most common drugs dispensed at the hospital pharmacies and I found myself geeking comfortably in front of her, it was all so refreshing. Ah. I love science nerds. And you know what? I'm really looking forward to finally starting my assignments tomorrow after the madness of entrance exam phase I. What a way to spend a Sunday :)

Rain

The usual flats I see in the distance everyday looked exceptionally toy-like today.

Do or Die

I remember Hendri making this point when we had a discussion about scholars and employers, and how a scholar would be an obvious choice over the everday fresh grad. It isn't just that these people are intelligent, they also have the aptitude, determination, discipline and mental capacity to rough it through their respective courses, all the while maintaining a consistent GPA under the rigorous demands of the course, their sponsors and family. This stuck with me eversince.

So when my mother exclaimed after entering the warzone, that is my room, "I don't see the point in a near 6 hour exam as a requirement for applying for Graduate Medical School. Testing one's background in science, I understand. But Poetry? Essay writing? I believe that if a person has compassion, 50% of the battle is won already", Hendri's point made even more sense. Yes, part of it was about testing our background in science, our analytical, critical thinking...the usual set of skills, but it IS afterall a 6 hour exam, not 3, not 2. One that is gruelling, challenging and mentally taxing. After frying your brains with question after question of creative literary analysis, you have to write 2 essays on social/political issues, and then! after all that, they make you sit through 3 hours of forces, electric circuits, enthalpy change of reaction, redox reactions, organic chemistry, physiological systems etc.

Now, if one can't survive that and come out on top, tell me, can one really survive a 16 hour shift at the hospital with a slew of patients to care for? Or how bout a surgery that drags on? No, let's be more relavant, can one even survive medical school? You have to be mentally capable, you have to have the aptitude, the strength to deliver under stress, and all with no margin for error. Its all got to be perfect.

I've got to make this perfect.

Girl

The massage was excellent! The Spa manager was very personable and through I braced myself for some hard selling, she was really genial and not pushy at all. So I will rave about this spa to my friends and mother and about the pleasant experience I had there. I loved it so much that I may actually sign up for one of their packages and persuade my mother to do likewise. Marketing strategy successful, though a short course in customer relations for that single phone receptionist will do even more for their business I think!

Since a lifting of spirits was in order, I kept true to the coding on my X chromosomes (Double the power on top of that!) and did some shopping.I bagged this lovely pair of Woon Hung earrings.

As well as a pair of shoes and a new blush colour.

And after that, some Tori Q to wash away the residual blues. Really made my day. I'm all ready for another afternoon of mugging. Bye!

Food, the enemy

I used to think the reason why I ate so much is because I LOVE food. Then I see women on Oprah and they go on and on about the reason as to why they are so big is because they are emotional eaters. I used to think that was a load of psychobabel bollocks.

Until today.

Was feeling rather down the past two days and over the 2 days, I downed 2 cans of coke, 6 pineapple tarts, 10 peanut tarts, 3 cubes of milk chocolate and just now, 1 cup of mash potato and a packet of 'Hello Panda'. Although I do occasionally snack during the day, I always make sure I restrict the sugar intake, because Jo and sugar yields an exponential weight reaction. This is rather atypical behaviour and it is a ravenous craving I cannot explain! It seems that I am actually an emotional eater, just that I am not aware of it, and my poison when it happens, unfortunately, is sugar. This is not good! I've got to get my spirits up.

Put into action

Making a promise, making plans to do something, making plans for change etc... just takes a little momentary excitement and some insipration/motivation for one to verbalize a decision or a plan of action, what I call the initial projectile force.

Setting the wheels in motion takes more effort after the initial grand plan/decision/promise making, and most times, we fail to get out of our inertia. However, once the initial push is administered, the force generated sustains the motion for X amount of time. This force will however fizzle out if self-sustaining momentum has not been achieved.

Self-sustaining momentum is one of life's most difficult tasks. Many of us often fail to see things from begining right through to the very end, and what often starts out promises/plans/decisions of good intentions often never materializes or fails halfway. This often results in broken promises, failed projects, forgotten dreams and eventual dissapointment.

I personally feel that there are 2 ways around this:

1) Perhaps if one only says things or make plans for things that one really means to and are truly committed in doing. This is difficult because we are all eager to please. Be it superiors/friends/loved ones, the reality is that we DO CARE what people we care about think about us (Well apart from the minority that really do not give a rats ass about what anyone else thinks).
2) Decisions that one makes that is visible and that one is answerable to others, I feel, should really be seen through right to the end, because that reflects on your dependability as a person/friend/collegue/partner/loved one. As for personal goals or change or dreams that one has managed to set into motion, good for you I say! Now, the tough part would be to find your own self sustaining momentum. You are, answerable to yourself, and disspointment will be with yourself, but at least this is contained and you are not answerable to anyone else.

Gosh, I'm really rattling on.
This is quite enough for now.

Plans to tag along this week on a trip to Pattaya kindly sponsored by Dezzo fell through, which is a shame because I was really looking forward to reading by the beach, and of course, indulging in massages and food while Dezzo did his thing. In any case I told myself that mopping was not an option and so, decided to arrange for a massage, and proceeded to ask my mother for the number of her regular masseuse. She told me that she had been given a voucher for complimentary full body massage at a spa at one of our local hotels for her birthday and told me to use that instead. Elated, I thanked her and told her to go ahead to make the arrangements to transfer the voucher to my name.

Fast forward to today, a week after the intial bookings and transfer had been finalized. I called the spa to change my appointment. The receptionist, probably a lady her early 20's answered my call with the standard pleasantries. I then gave her my name and appointement time and requested for a change of date. I could hear her flipping through the big appointment book and finger my name under said date and time.

"Orrrr you using XXX bank voucher one is it?"
"Yes that's right, could you change my appointment please"
"Have you been to our Spa before?"
"No I have not"
Taps pen on appointment book takes a deep breath and says "Ok Lah Ok Lah" in an indignant tone.
Before I could even say THANK YOU and GOODBYE, she put down the phone.

I'm not sure i my sensitivity radar was in overdrive but I distinctly felt a change of attitude and air when she realised that I was utilizing a voucher for my massage. I had initially wanted to enquire about their pedicure service as I thought it would be nice to actually pay for one of their services after using the voucher. Unfortunately, in her haste to end the call she had lost her company some business. It really cheeses me off when companies who give out vouchers, in an effort to market their business treat customers who utilize these vouchers like free loaders trying to sponge off on their freebies. They have to realise that we still deserve the same respect as and at the very least the same amout of courtesy just like any other paying client. If this is indeed a marketing tool then they should be doing their very best to promote and provide excellent service to the users of their vouchers. Only then would the purpose of the voucher marketing strategy be met. I may sign up for a package, I may tell my friends about the wonderful experience I had at their outfit, I may go back there to try out their other services.

I don't usually exploit free vouchers or discount coupons just to get a good deal, so this is all very dissapointing. Well, let's see how the massage goes. If the service is going to be equally shabby, I'm going to write in to XXX bank and ask them to reconsider their partnership with said spa, it is afterall, bad representation for the bank as well.

Thank God for Tomorrow!

Screen grabs from the trailer on the apple site (Click to see big! The amazing visuals!!). I really CANNOT WAIT to see... Gerard Butler's unreal abs. Go Alpha Male! I really really hope this is one movie that will live up to all the hype it's been getting, I don't think I can take being disappointed after all the anticipation. Tomorrow we dine in Hell!

Bimbotic Whim

Apart from the fact that I really liked the film and had great respect for effort they took to develop Capote's character and his relationship with the killer, the singular most important thought that played on my mind during the majority of the film was 'Damn I want glasses like his!' Oh, and I personally feel that fashionable films glamorizes the act of smoking which, yes, concuring with Dezzo, was a prominent fixture among the famous and well connected during that period. It sure made me want to weaken my resolve and have a glorious long drag, which probably wouldn't have tasted very good after 3 long years. Not good.

Gideon

Hello Gideon

Well Hello...

Emily makes a new friend

Happy Birthday Shilei!

May your highly adaptable and resilient nature see you though for many more years to come! Happy Birthday Sweets!

Patience

Patience is waiting for the 15th day of chinese new year to arrive so that your mother will cut loose that bunch of 18 almost over ripe bananas so that you can finally bake some banana bread.