So turns the wheel

I stood and bade my farewells to the few that saw me through the year and a half. All juggling work and classes, some with families to feed, one with a baby on the way, all striving for something greater, all fighters in their own right. We shared our frustrations and worries, and if we were feeling particularly generous, a mention of our personal lives in passing. Only skimming the surface, we were comfortable acquaintances out of circumstance, and then some. As pleasantries drew to a close and awkward silence loomed, I shook their hands, smiled, turned round, walked and didn't look back. Perhaps we'll meet again, perhaps not, but if we do, it will be like the summer of 2007, it will be only in passing.

Soliloquy

Dear Jo,

I know this is your last paper and you are as excited as a kid who just got candy, but you really need to focus. Although this is your last paper you still need to work very hard so as to secure a distinction or better and not just scrape through. You need to stop surfing the bastard internet, remind your brother that his crossing over from marble dining room flooring onto your parquet flooring is detrimental as you are easy distracted and stop thinking of the wonderous things that await you post exam and FOCUS.

Girl, what are you even doing on the internet now?!

Excite!

All set in motion now.
The Last Lap.
And it all boils down to Monday and the papers.
I is very Excite!

Things to look forward to:
1. Catching up with friends and having a life
2. Joshua's Return
3. The Cremaster Pentalogy
4. Chiang Mai
5. Holidaying with Dezzo and wearing furry coats

Thy will be done.

Music in my Head

Linkin Park's Minutes to Midnight was released recently so we went and got ourselves a copy. Seeing as how they have kept fans waiting for almost 2 years for their new album, we could hardly contain our excitement and popped it into the CD player in the car immediately. We were so disappointed. Jibes from friends kept ringing in my head of course "Linkin Park?! Why you like boyband?". I told Dezzo it is only because they are Linkin Park that I will give them another listen on my ipod and see how it goes. To which he said that it would probably sound better.

I listened to it on my way to class last night and I didn't find them half as bad as I had the day before. I have realised this about listening to music using earphones, it allows you to truly appreciate every instrument, the vocals, the beats, and of course in an almost concert hall like setting, apparently from the centre of your head. If my memory from 3rd year neuroscience serves me right, perfectly balanced earphones should map an apparent sound source almost as if from an area slightly above the nasal cavity running down towards the middle of the head.

In any case, I began to understand why audiophiles would fork out ludicrous sums of money for branded ear/headphones or state of the art audio systems to allow one's self that perfect auditory experience. I remember going to this advertising guru's house party with Dezzo, which housed a state of the art audio system, absolutely hideous I thought, with 2 giant nautilus shell-like contraptions on each side (sorry I just don't get these overtly avant garde designs). We sat on the 2 chairs in the middle facing the shells and listened. The sound was oaky, had a deep resonance and I could hear it coming from that special place in the centre of my head. Looking back, that system must have been very good. Heh. Well, till I can afford some kickass earphones with a good range for bass, I'm happy with my ipod provided ones for now.

Earphones have saved Linkin Park from getting the boot from DJ Sideshowjo :p

Thank You

Circa Early 2003

Wednesday Tea

Every Wednesday morning, I have 2 slices of wheat bread and mug of tea. Sister Una persisted in her quest to fix me breakfast since over a year ago and after 6 months of "Can I get you breakfast Josephine?" in a thick Irish accent, hunger triumphed over politeness. I look forward to Wednesday morning tea, because if there is one thing I took away after 2 years in East Sussex, it's the appreciation of the very English mad tea obssession.

Sister Una makes Dilmah Morning Fresh Unblended tea with a generous pour of Meadow Fresh Low Fat Long Life Milk (I know, I peeked into the cupboard and refrigerator), no sugar added, served piping hot in a big blue ikea mug. It is, honestly, the best cup of tea I've had in my life. I have been trying my best to find these 2 items in our local supermarkets but have not been lucky yet. But you know something, I suspect I'll never be able to recreate that cup of Wednesday morning tea even if I get the proportions exactly right. It's one of those conundrums isn't it? Perhaps it was more the the act, place and person that makes it taste as good as it does, and it will be one of the things that I will miss very much when she returns back to Ireland.

Soundscape

I treasure and hold on dearly to the times when I can sit and be alone, comfortably.
Somedays I envision a perfect sideshowjo world when I can go about my daily affairs devoid of having to make small talk and needing to speak out of necessity, and in that moment, reclusive and introverted 11 year old Jo comes back for a visit.

Favourite hermit activities include:
1) Packing room, doors locked, campy music galore
2) Sifting through cookbooks scribbling big dreams on notebook
3) Reading in bed, on bus (Motion sickness can be battled!), in cafe, on beach, on plane
4) Daydreaming grand plans for craft
5) Changing Emily's eye colour and putting her out in the sun
6) Rearranging gnomes Nikolai, Wilfred and Peadus on their patch
7) Listening to the whirrrrrr of Rex the sewing machine
8) Lying on bed contemplating the meaning of life, of anything, preferably with Sigur Ros please
9) Quiet weekday meals alone with book
10) Piano, when no one is at home (A rarity)

However, top top top on my list has got to be being plugged in on a fairly long bus ride to night class, listening to stellar tracks. Everything I see takes on a personality, I start to notice the shape of trees, buildings, faces of construction workers, sunlight, shadows, fingers, dirt. Awesome is when I get glimpses of tips of horses' ears when the bus passes the polo club and I'm sitting on the right side, at just the right height. I love it because for that moment I'm completely lost, and the bubble is all mine, and in that instant, emotions and imagination are at their wildest.

"Say Goodbye to the world you thought you lived in" -Mika

Genes

My brother is almost a whole head taller than me, as well as majority of my cousins as you can see, even my cousin who is 19 is half a head taller! How come I never inherit any of em' supersonic height and metabolic rate genes.
Damn helix!

Easter week: A record of 3 masses on consecutive days, and the same overcast sky at 3pm on Good friday.
A good long weekend nonetheless, and here's what great long weekends are made of.



Back to the grind.

Choice

Ok, I'm being a bit of a melonhead today. After a semi long chat about decisions that have to be put on hold, and the many variables that lie ahead, just when things were taking a turn for the better, somewhat. The dreaded last 2 months have arrived, but, it is the final lap and I think we would both like to know the outcome so that plans can be made and expectations adjusted accordingly. Wouldn't it be nice to be rooted firmly, born and bred in one place and start building a life instead of living in constant flux? Yet the yearning for a life of transience is strong. Ah the bane of globalization, or perhaps, blind ambition.

Addict

Grow

Today I watched my cousin exchange her wedding vows and legally marry the wonderful man she has been seeing for over 5 years. This is the same girl that I grew up and shared a huge portion of my childhood with, had over for pyjama parties, and confided in for many of my adolecent years. I will always remember how we dissapointed in our PSLE performance and how we sat miserable and mortified on the steps of my old house as we listened to our parents discussing our fate. We've watched each other grow.

My father also gave me his Omega today, I never thought the day that my brother and I start inheriting our parents' possessions would arrive so soon. They have watched us grow. The day will come when I too will give this to my child.

And the circle of life continues.

Love and Dedication

"Your mother has taken care of me for 30 years, now it's my turn, she is my only priority."

My brother and I are very blessed, we have excellent role models.

Quest for Breakfast Muffins

Vivocity has been our favourite place for sometime now, I think it's because Pacific Coffee has this quaint outdoor sitting area which faces sentosa. The water and reflection of the sunlight which comes through at about 5pm is breathtaking, their coffee isn't half bad too. Everytime we are there, I feel like I am back in Sydney's Darling Harbour drinking Gloria Jeans' Coffee on a Sunday.

Another favourite outlet of mine at Vivocity, apart from CANDY EMPIRE (Authentic Tim Tams and Red Rocket Deli Chips!), is the Organic Supermarket next to Marks and Spencer. Dezzo is in love with their organic dried fruit and nut mix, available from their nut counter. I managed to find wholemeal flour at the organic supermarket, an ingredient I had been searching for for quite a while
Waitrose has been tucked away in the dark recesses of my mother's kitchen for over a month now, and since I had some time today, and 3 very ripe bananas on hand, it was a perfect time to try Nigella's Banana Muffins.

Nigella's Banana Muffins
I put in 2.5 bananas instead of 2, and substituted white flour with the wholemeal flour, which resulted in very heavy and moist muffins. If you are not a fan of wholemeal bread or grains, I do not recommend you use wholemeal flour as the taste is quite strong. I also halved the raising agents (Chemicals!). The great thing about this recipe is that the sugar added is minimal and there are no eggs involved!

Makes 6 Big Muffins
30g Unsalted Butter
60g Clear Honey
1/2 tsp Vanilla Extract
2 Large, Very Ripe Bananas
150 Plain Flour
1 Heaped tsp Baking Power
1/2 tsp bicarb
1/2 tsp Cinnamon
Pinch of Salt

Use the wet into dry method:
1. Melt butter, honey and vanilla over low heat. Leave to cool for a few mins
2. Mash Bananas in a bowl
3. Measure out flour, raising agents, cinnamon and salt
4. Mix melted butter with banana
5. Mix into dry ingredients. DO NOT OVER MIX! A lumpy mixture is a good sign.
6. Bake at 190 deg for 25mins

All Heart

All I can say is, after today's disaster, I am not as quick, and sharp, and as intelligent as the rest who sat for the exam. But screw it. I cannot/will not wallow. I will just learn from this, take note of where I failed, and pick up the pieces. It ain't over till a worthy battle has been fought.

In any case, it really made my day, when I found a kindered spirit in the form of an ex-VJC triple science + maths, double S paper, local U medical school worthy but rejected at interview, turned down twice on appeal and ended up at (in her own words) local U med school reject dumping ground, Pharmacy. It all stared when a small voice piped:

"Excuse me, do you have an extra calculator?"
"No I'm sorry, I don't. But don't worry, the 3 hour paper is after lunch, so perhaps one of the staff can help you get hold of a calculator. I mean there are offices below"
"Oh yes. Thanks! You know, I'm usually the kind that brings 2 calculators to an exam. I don't know what happened."

We spent lunch sharing stories and views, and I got so tickled when we shared an absolute NERD moment.

M: "20 minutes to go." Looks at coffee. "Oh no! I shouldn't have drank that!"
J: Grins. "Diuretic! That's why I had my tea the minute I started lunch. That should be about right I think"
M: "Now I'm going to have to go to the loo in the middle of the paper!"
J: "Travesty!"

We chatted about the most common drugs dispensed at the hospital pharmacies and I found myself geeking comfortably in front of her, it was all so refreshing. Ah. I love science nerds. And you know what? I'm really looking forward to finally starting my assignments tomorrow after the madness of entrance exam phase I. What a way to spend a Sunday :)

Do or Die

I remember Hendri making this point when we had a discussion about scholars and employers, and how a scholar would be an obvious choice over the everday fresh grad. It isn't just that these people are intelligent, they also have the aptitude, determination, discipline and mental capacity to rough it through their respective courses, all the while maintaining a consistent GPA under the rigorous demands of the course, their sponsors and family. This stuck with me eversince.

So when my mother exclaimed after entering the warzone, that is my room, "I don't see the point in a near 6 hour exam as a requirement for applying for Graduate Medical School. Testing one's background in science, I understand. But Poetry? Essay writing? I believe that if a person has compassion, 50% of the battle is won already", Hendri's point made even more sense. Yes, part of it was about testing our background in science, our analytical, critical thinking...the usual set of skills, but it IS afterall a 6 hour exam, not 3, not 2. One that is gruelling, challenging and mentally taxing. After frying your brains with question after question of creative literary analysis, you have to write 2 essays on social/political issues, and then! after all that, they make you sit through 3 hours of forces, electric circuits, enthalpy change of reaction, redox reactions, organic chemistry, physiological systems etc.

Now, if one can't survive that and come out on top, tell me, can one really survive a 16 hour shift at the hospital with a slew of patients to care for? Or how bout a surgery that drags on? No, let's be more relavant, can one even survive medical school? You have to be mentally capable, you have to have the aptitude, the strength to deliver under stress, and all with no margin for error. Its all got to be perfect.

I've got to make this perfect.

Girl

The massage was excellent! The Spa manager was very personable and through I braced myself for some hard selling, she was really genial and not pushy at all. So I will rave about this spa to my friends and mother and about the pleasant experience I had there. I loved it so much that I may actually sign up for one of their packages and persuade my mother to do likewise. Marketing strategy successful, though a short course in customer relations for that single phone receptionist will do even more for their business I think!

Since a lifting of spirits was in order, I kept true to the coding on my X chromosomes (Double the power on top of that!) and did some shopping.I bagged this lovely pair of Woon Hung earrings.

As well as a pair of shoes and a new blush colour.

And after that, some Tori Q to wash away the residual blues. Really made my day. I'm all ready for another afternoon of mugging. Bye!

Food, the enemy

I used to think the reason why I ate so much is because I LOVE food. Then I see women on Oprah and they go on and on about the reason as to why they are so big is because they are emotional eaters. I used to think that was a load of psychobabel bollocks.

Until today.

Was feeling rather down the past two days and over the 2 days, I downed 2 cans of coke, 6 pineapple tarts, 10 peanut tarts, 3 cubes of milk chocolate and just now, 1 cup of mash potato and a packet of 'Hello Panda'. Although I do occasionally snack during the day, I always make sure I restrict the sugar intake, because Jo and sugar yields an exponential weight reaction. This is rather atypical behaviour and it is a ravenous craving I cannot explain! It seems that I am actually an emotional eater, just that I am not aware of it, and my poison when it happens, unfortunately, is sugar. This is not good! I've got to get my spirits up.

Plans to tag along this week on a trip to Pattaya kindly sponsored by Dezzo fell through, which is a shame because I was really looking forward to reading by the beach, and of course, indulging in massages and food while Dezzo did his thing. In any case I told myself that mopping was not an option and so, decided to arrange for a massage, and proceeded to ask my mother for the number of her regular masseuse. She told me that she had been given a voucher for complimentary full body massage at a spa at one of our local hotels for her birthday and told me to use that instead. Elated, I thanked her and told her to go ahead to make the arrangements to transfer the voucher to my name.

Fast forward to today, a week after the intial bookings and transfer had been finalized. I called the spa to change my appointment. The receptionist, probably a lady her early 20's answered my call with the standard pleasantries. I then gave her my name and appointement time and requested for a change of date. I could hear her flipping through the big appointment book and finger my name under said date and time.

"Orrrr you using XXX bank voucher one is it?"
"Yes that's right, could you change my appointment please"
"Have you been to our Spa before?"
"No I have not"
Taps pen on appointment book takes a deep breath and says "Ok Lah Ok Lah" in an indignant tone.
Before I could even say THANK YOU and GOODBYE, she put down the phone.

I'm not sure i my sensitivity radar was in overdrive but I distinctly felt a change of attitude and air when she realised that I was utilizing a voucher for my massage. I had initially wanted to enquire about their pedicure service as I thought it would be nice to actually pay for one of their services after using the voucher. Unfortunately, in her haste to end the call she had lost her company some business. It really cheeses me off when companies who give out vouchers, in an effort to market their business treat customers who utilize these vouchers like free loaders trying to sponge off on their freebies. They have to realise that we still deserve the same respect as and at the very least the same amout of courtesy just like any other paying client. If this is indeed a marketing tool then they should be doing their very best to promote and provide excellent service to the users of their vouchers. Only then would the purpose of the voucher marketing strategy be met. I may sign up for a package, I may tell my friends about the wonderful experience I had at their outfit, I may go back there to try out their other services.

I don't usually exploit free vouchers or discount coupons just to get a good deal, so this is all very dissapointing. Well, let's see how the massage goes. If the service is going to be equally shabby, I'm going to write in to XXX bank and ask them to reconsider their partnership with said spa, it is afterall, bad representation for the bank as well.

Patience

Patience is waiting for the 15th day of chinese new year to arrive so that your mother will cut loose that bunch of 18 almost over ripe bananas so that you can finally bake some banana bread.